KFC WRAP

Pullin in at Fleet and there’s a commotion, Thinkin about the latest KFC promotion
Halfway up the road you convinced each other, “we’d better eat, we might not get another…
…Chance, cos this is Fleet destiny, chicken roulette with the secret recipe
What’ll it be? rib, keel or thigh, says the colonel unzipping his fly
Open wide and suck the rib gack, as if you’ve gobbled his c**k and his ball sack

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three

Keel, keel, we all gotta kneel, not General Zod but the Colonel of the
piece meal Guv'nor of the henhouse, sultan of fowl,
Sanders the boss with a clean-up towel
Loaded, 2-piece, zinger tower fillet,
jus standin at the counter brings out a cold sweat
I'm standing steady though no deviatin',
I'll take a 2-piece and yeah I'll fucking eat in

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three
.
Yeah! See the 17m sign and you start to feel better, you been waitin
all that time for those three sweet letters,it's Fleet you been there,
you seen it you done it.
But it's tradition, you in there, you can't help but gun it.

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three

Maintenance goin down on the northbound outlet,
so you bound acrossthe flyover with sweaty palms bout to get
 A two piece, the Korean girl she happy to help you,
she halfway through baggin and your cut choice
you yelp too, A rib, a wing, you know you want that gack, no
drumstick, no keel even, no drink that's wack
Sayin take away cos the shame it surfaces.
Fucked by the colonel - Southbound Fleet Services.

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three

Exmouth, the birthplace, its where it began, back of the Talbot, shared with the fam.
Farringdon, the counter, Jon pops his beige collar, orders fillet just to hear Meera holler.
Stoke Newington thats my joint for sho, when ma boy wanted crushems he was there at the door.
York we ain't eatin no lame chicken korma, My man Y Hill puts his kill in the warmer.
My bro and my boy they both seen me cheat, with a Dixys a Cottage but a two piece at Fleet Was my joint cos i knew I was onto a winner Message alert - its a two piece dinner.

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three

Two piece (chosen) rib and wing,
Pulled in at Fleet, perfect timing
I step out and step up to the counter
I ain’t here for no quarter pounder
You can keep yer burgers, buns and tings
And you can stick yer tacos, kebabs and hot wings

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we can all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three

So I’m standin there with my man Y. Hill
Meera’s hands hoverin above the till
He can’t decide, It’s takin him ages
I think of the chickens cooped in the their cages
I look at Sanders the Chicken Czar
As my man buys a burger wrapstar

I’m talking finger lickin from KFC
Sanders on the mike like a clucking MC
It’s something on which we all agree
Mines a two piece…no make it three
>

Meridian 2014

 Yes Helen House, Fizzy Wizzy Retail Park, Foreskin Terrace, Exacter, Debum.           12^th – 5^th Octember 2014

Last year Meridian ran Meridian 2013, this year in 2014, we are back with Meridian 2014, following one from last year’s runaway success story. Meridian defies categorisation making it the largest non-category gathering in the corporate calendar and this year, we’ve a packed programme of razors edge tips, seminars and talks, all designed to be constructed for the purpose intended for you.

Meridian – The line is crossed, look at it carefully and progress forward.

_____________________________________

Agendatinery –

9.00 am – Meat and Greet – Cold cuts and tepid tea in the Excelsior Lounge (left at reception past the ball pit)

9.45 am Doodling in Meetings with Jez ‘Zany’ Timmings

9.46 am Laptop or Lapdog? – Defending your company from satire with  Larry Titz

10.30 Lunch

11.45 Up Yours Homo? Handling gay abandon in the office with Keith Cunt

12.00 Lunch

12.43 Afternoon session – ‘Following on from the Morning’, with Lesley Guff

1.00 Workspace breakout session, (Workspace provided, please bring session and breakout)

2.00 Yes or No, Question or Answer? The Choice, with Paul Shit

2.15 ‘Savagely Incomprehensible Waste’ – An alternative look at global business with Jed Yatton

3.00 Inter Gesturational Linguistic Data Sorting – Can we communicate at all? With Jan Dickwad

3.00 ‘Fuck off Lounge’ relaxation session with Kim Natterfuck

3.00 Coffee

4.30 Tea and Close

Towns Flood in Xmas Atmos Aftermath Apocalypse

From our Christmas correspondent Michael Mass

It’s after Christmas again and all over the country people rush to buy things after the one-day break from buying things.  Sweeping into ‘chain stores’ and ‘the high street’ like flotsam-packed floodwater people entranced by the ‘magic of Christmas’ rush to spend all they have on whatever they can get, often wasting valuable ‘time’, in the process.

Eek Out

Emboldened by news of ‘current retail spend index news’ and mesmerised by the ‘smart-particles’ buzzing around on adverts, many individuals wander into stores, hoping to eek out a variation in price or style that will place them above their competitors – many of whom they don’t know or have never met. Barging through groups of young children and ‘old people’ and retreating back to their homes or ‘goods caches’, this flotsam laps at the edges of existence like an oily slick slapping against a harbour wall.

People 'heading into town', yesterday.

Human sandbags

A small minority, mostly sheltering  in irrelevant ‘rural’ areas have argued for a different take on Christmas, but have thankfully been drowned out by the crackle and buzz of the Xmas consumer fever. This year, Jed Squib from the group Human Sandbags Against Commerce (HSBC) has rallied his team to stand up against the tide – with no results. Said Squib, “All three of us feel strongly about this and our recent action at the Worcester  Clintons showed we can do it, our human sandbags stopped at least 5 people from entering the store”

The Worcester Clintons yesterday

Smiling Drone

Analysis retail Paul Shit from the tank think, Patent Spending viewed the issues this Christmas as particularly noteworthy in the unbridled greed stakes. “The bridles off now, let’s ride the twin horses of fate and destiny into the chasm of useless gack”, he stated as he handed his credit card to another smiling drone.

Buying things ‘now unstoppable’

From our woman at the till Barbara Code

Bank Holiday Monday and the retail parks of the UK look like overrun insect nests. Pouring through the doors like bipedal slurry, the chattering saps that make-up the inhabitants of the UK’s towns and cities rush to make a ‘string of purchases’, lapping up ‘must haves’ and ‘essentials’ and augmenting their buys with ‘little somethings’ and ‘treats’.

Could you run me in? 

Cries of ‘I just need a few bits’, ‘could you run me in to town?’ and ‘just nipping to the shops’ have become mantras for a debased and struggling idea called ‘Western Civilisation’ a creeking structure that despite years of service looks set to collapse amid mountains of debt and tat.

Other people 

Many buy in to lifestyles that other people have that they were told about by some other people in an attempt to be seen by other people as having the other peoples lifestyle. Other people simply buy anything they can, emptying bank accounts and draining credit on a mountain of useless gack. Specialist retail tank think Paul Shit was forthright about the problem. “This is simply blind madness that will end life on earth as we know it” he said scanning his Nectar card in the morning sun.

Flyer for forthcoming Meridian 2011 conference - Click to read, see you there you lemmings.

I'm sure you all remember the Newby Chruch Ghost from the Reverend K.F Lord's c.1960 photograph. Well, a recent sighting in Devon prompted a look through the Clothface Archives, which revealed a 16th C siting as well. Here he is, 'through the ages....

Ever bought six can's of low-grade lager for £5. We have.

The 6 for 5 rap.

When you’ve been slaving 9 to 5
It’s nice to get home with 6 for 5
At the four o’clock drop, everything stop
Cos you thinkin’ it’s 6 for 5 on dem boss

Chorus -
6 for 5, 6 for 5
You got it boss, it’s 6 for 5

But hangabout, I only want two
Maybe tomorrow I’ll pay what’s due
But for now, I’ll just take a couple
Cos 6 for 5 it ain’t worth the trouble

6 for 5, 6 for 5
You got it boss, it’s 6 for 5

But no, he’s hollerin clear
The strains of his battle cry loud in my ear
What’s his problem, he don’t make no loss
But still, it’s 6 for 5 on dem boss

6 for 5, 6 for 5
You got it boss, it’s 6 for 5

So now I’m leaving with a bulging sack
It ain’t what you think, it’s beer in me pack
Going home now to drink till eleven
Little does he know, that I took 7

6 for 5, 6 for 5
You got it boss, it’s 6 for 5

Repeat chorus to fade....