Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Buying things ‘now unstoppable’

From our woman at the till Barbara Code

Bank Holiday Monday and the retail parks of the UK look like overrun insect nests. Pouring through the doors like bipedal slurry, the chattering saps that make-up the inhabitants of the UK’s towns and cities rush to make a ‘string of purchases’, lapping up ‘must haves’ and ‘essentials’ and augmenting their buys with ‘little somethings’ and ‘treats’.

Could you run me in? 

Cries of ‘I just need a few bits’, ‘could you run me in to town?’ and ‘just nipping to the shops’ have become mantras for a debased and struggling idea called ‘Western Civilisation’ a creeking structure that despite years of service looks set to collapse amid mountains of debt and tat.

Other people 

Many buy in to lifestyles that other people have that they were told about by some other people in an attempt to be seen by other people as having the other peoples lifestyle. Other people simply buy anything they can, emptying bank accounts and draining credit on a mountain of useless gack. Specialist retail tank think Paul Shit was forthright about the problem. “This is simply blind madness that will end life on earth as we know it” he said scanning his Nectar card in the morning sun.