Thursday, June 15, 2006

Corporate Lemming News - NEWSFLASH - 07/06/06

Lemming pleasantries rejected
By our reporter Herbie Vorthree

Phrases today commonplace in our foyers and office complexes the world over are to be phased out in line with new behaviour studies that indicate that the laws of perpetual ignorance have been plaguing our workplaces since time immemorial.

Oh it was ok, thanks.

"How was your weekend?", "it's warm today isn't it?" and "what are you up to this evening?" are just some of the, mindless comments that pass for office interaction nowadays and top Lemming psychologist Gilbert Cockring is worried about the effect on our culture. "These freaks might as well be talking about paint that's already dry", he said, "Why can't they talk about something interesting.for a change, like sugar mice or the fundamentals of paleo-archeology.

And Yours?

He has a point, but for many, the thinly veiled drivel that is spouted across a million desks and phones everyday is fundamental to their 'way of life' and fits perfectly into their 'lifestyle choices'.

Bandied by Lemmings

Downtime, 'synergising creative flow' and 'muffin skunk' are just some of the terms now commonplace in our office buildings which are bandied around by lemmings in an effort to screen a distinct lack of social ability when talking to colleagues.

Cockrings tightening

Dr Cockring has tightened the rules of office engagement by supplying bosses and workers with new guidelines to help them adjust to a life without these banal pleasantries – phrases like 'No, actually I'm depressed", "you look terrible this morning" and "you f*cking w*nker" are said by Cockring to possess elements of what he calls, 'the utterable truth' – based on new-age philosophies from somewhere abroad.

1 comment:

Alan Rectum said...

In my day, people considered courtesies like "How was your wanking?" as being civil and the sign of good manners. The office PC squad and "anti discrimanation" have put paid to such sincere enquiries. Idiots.